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Self Defense Against Vampires: The Official Vampire Slayer's Guide, by J A Kahn
Free PDF Self Defense Against Vampires: The Official Vampire Slayer's Guide, by J A Kahn
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Take one stake. A clove of garlic. And this book. Then get ready for a vampire hunting adventure like no other...
Holding out for that handsome young vampire to whisk you off to some far away exotic graveyard in the dead of night? Or perhaps you live in dread of the undead. Whatever your persuasion, this is the book to cater for all your vampire needs.
This book will teach you everything you need to know, from vampire anatomy and physiology, to the early signs of vampirism and vampire slaying techniques. From despatching shimmering, vegetarian vampires to a permanent hole in the ground (where that particularly foul variety of vampires truly deserves to be) to using a potpourri of herbs and spices to protect your home, this book has it all and more. Written by a professional vampire hunter with aeons of active vampire-slaying experience, and winner of countless prestigious international monster-maiming awards, you can be sure you will learn to defend yourself and your loved ones from ending up as vampire drink dispensers.
Parents and teachers owe it to the children under their care to read this book and prepare for the inevitable and always fatal attraction their wards will experience in the current climate of vampire-mania. Stop them from eloping with Edward or sending a Valentine's card to Vampirella before it's too late! Learn how to identify possible signs of vampire tendencies or infatuations in your teenagers, and know when to interfere accordingly.
Here's what the experts are saying about this book:
- Sales Rank: #837150 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-04-24
- Released on: 2015-04-24
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"Self Defense Against Vampires is a great book for vampire lovers and aspiring vampire hunters alike. There are so many great elements of this book....this was one of the best books I've read this year. I highly recommend Self Defense Against Vampires to anyone and everyone I can convince to read it." - Melanie at Fang Freakin Tastic Reviews(fangfreakintasticreviews.com)
"Don't take this book too seriously. It claims to be 'written by a professional vampire hunter with aeons of active vampire slaying experience,' and will teach you everything you need to know from vampire anatomy and physiology, to the early signs of vampirism and vampire slaying techniques. It comes recommended by one Harker, J, who says it offers: "practical, sincere and damned effective advice, I would hate to be a vampire knowing this book is out there! You can stake your life on it!" - Murder Mayhem & More(murdermayhemandmore.wordpress.com/2015/09/28/ripping-reads-new-titles-offbeat-books-and-indie-authors-2/)
From the Author
There's no point being poetic or flowery about it, I kill vampires for a living, it's what I do.
About the Author
Not much is known about the mysterious Dr Kahn, author of books for the young and old. Where he was born and where he was raised nobody knows, but this much is known, in his youth Kahn did all sorts of mysterious things. These have led to his unique writing style. What little we do know is that he loves to write and believes books should be fun, educational where possible, and carry a lesson for personal betterment. They should also be a little bit scary - I think this might be influenced by his being a professional vampire slayer!
He is currently working on the lifesaving Self Defense Against Monsters series. This series deals with your common garden-variety of monsters that you are most likely to encounter on those dark, gloomy nights. These books are practical, hands-on guidebooks which will give you the edge and a great deal of hidden knowledge on how to defeat those monsters that most want to eat you!
Kahn is working on his Learning From Our Mistakes series aimed at young readers. These illustrated books are educational, fun, and carry a gentle moral, encouraging children to treat themselves and others with respect and kindness.
If you wish to follow Kahn's exploits please visit:
facebook.com/ja.kahn.52
or
ja-kahn.wix.com/welcome
Happy reading!
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Great idea, fun reading
By FangFreakinTastic Melanie
Great concept. I enjoyed this book much more than I've enjoyed others that are similar in content.It is well written and contains enough humor to keep the reading light and fun instead of stuffy and serious.
Updated full review:
Self Defense Against Vampires is a great book for vampire lovers and aspiring vampire hunters alike. There are so many great elements of this book, I hardly know where to begin.
I’ll start at the beginning. The chapter titles are clever and entertaining. Each one is unique and creative while capturing the essence of the chapter’s subject matter. Many times, I read books with chapter titles that make no sense to me and feel totally unrelated to what is going on in the story, or are just chapter numbers. It was nice to see that even the chapter titles in this book were entertaining.
This book is full of wit and humor while clearly cautioning the reader to the dangers of vampirism. It dispels several of the more commonplace myths, and is a truly informative guide to surviving a potential vampire attack. I feel a bit safer after reading this book in the event I am ever accosted by one of the historically nocturnal fiends.
I have to admit, I am quite impressed with the author, world famous vampire hunter Dr. J.A. Kahn, and his over 13,000 vampire kills! How does he find the time for other important things in life, such as grocery shopping and Facebook? I suppose if there is anyone that can be considered an expert in vampire slaying it would be Dr. Kahn. I do feel worried for Dr. Kahn’s personal safety after becoming such a well-known and experienced slayer. I’m sure there are plenty of vampires who would be happy to give him a taste of his own medicine, or worse yet, transform him into the very enemy he has hunted for so long.
In addition to being entertaining and humorous, Self Defense Against Vampires is also quite educational. Kahn gives us a thorough history of the vampire myth and does it in an easy to understand way. His writing style and tone keep the reader’s attention while providing useful information in a way that doesn’t make you feel bogged down with facts.
Overall, this was one of the best books I’ve read this year. I highly recommend Self Defense Against Vampires to anyone and everyone I can convince to read it.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
I always thought vampires were just misunderstood
By c'est la vie
I love the whole vampire genre and when J. A. Kahn, a world renowned expert on vampire slaying, asked whether I would be interested in reviewing Self Defense Against Vampires I couldn't resist seeing as I grew up on Buffy The Vampire Slayer, have read all the Anne Rice novels, and still watch and read any sort of vampire media (yes, even the Twilight ones...sorry).
I have not come across any vampires yet although I'm now starting to have grave suspicions about my best friend's new boyfriend (I told her he was a weirdo) so thought I should be prepared...
I found this Official Vampire Slayer guide to be a great read; it is funny, original and very interesting indeed. I like the writing style which really draws the reader into the world of vampirism and emphasises not only the concern that Dr. Kahn has for us average mortals and slayers-in-training, but also his determination to ensure that we are more knowledgable and vigilant against insidious vampire activity.
The book covers a lot of stuff and details vampire origin and history, debunks some popular myths, and gives the reader an unparallelled (and wonderfully gruesome) insight into vampire biology, anatomy, psychology, methods and their many abilities and strengths.
Luckily for us there's also a multitude of information on how not to become a vampire snack and the best way to defend against an attack. Even if you never meet a vampire following Dr. Kahn's fitness, lifestyle and diet tips will at least clear your arteries and make people like you more.
I should warn you though if you like the idea of sexy, sophisticated vampires (Anne Rice's Lestat and Louis spring to mind), brooding and tormented vampires (Angel from BTVS), or ones that sparkle (Twilight!), then this book will forever ruin how you perceive these creatures of the night and you won't fancy and want to marry them anymore. Boo.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Clever, humorous guide to understanding and defending against vampires
By Kitty Smith
J A Kahn has created the end all be all guide to vampires, and more importantly, how to kill them. With tongue in cheek wit our renowned and unmatched World Famous Killer Extraordinaire title holder (every year since 1995) takes you by the hand and guides you through the ins and outs of defending yourself against vampires by teaching you how to separate fact from fiction, myth from reality, and more importantly, admit that glitter is simply the name of a bad Mariah Carey movie and not, as some would have you think, the epidermal adornment of your future prom date.
Though written with an eye to humor, I found this surprisingly accurate with regards to vampire lore. Kahn introduces you to vampires under names few are familiar with, such as the Strigoi, the Upyr, the Leyak, and more. He shatters romantic literature's insistence that all things fang trace back to Romania and takes you further back to ancient Mesopotamia and Egypt instead. Vampire biology is covered in detail, as well as strengths and weaknesses, all things you'll need to know if you intend to survive possible encounters. Lastly he teaches you the moves you'll need to perfect in order to take it down before it drinks you dry. Overall a great read, very cleverly written and entertaining, and a must read for armchair slayers everywhere.
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